Do you struggle to get your toddler to do what you ask? At my house, battles are usually fought over my kids picking up their toys. Somedays it would be easier to just give up, give in and pick the toys up on my own. As a parent, it can be really hard to get toddlers to do what you want them to do. They’re a huge ball of emotions and can go from laughing to tears in a matter of seconds.
So is it realistic to think you can to get your toddler to do what you ask them to do? And can it be done without you or them ending up in tears? If you have toddlers you will have tantrums. However, there are a few ways to make obedience easier for your toddler.
Read: Two Simple Ways To Avoid Toddler Tantrums
Limit Choices
Giving a toddler too many choices can wind up backfiring for you as a parent. If you give them choices all day long, like what book to read, which show to watch, what to eat for breakfast and then out of the blue ask them to do something like pick up their toys, your toddler most likely won’t go for it.
If your toddler is used to calling the shots, he won’t do what you ask when it matters. He’ll think that you’re giving him another choice. That isn’t healthy for you or your toddler.
During the day, find ways to limit your toddler’s choices. This isn’t to say that your toddler can’t ever make a choice, but be sure to leave some choices that are up to the parent. This way your toddler won’t think that he’s the boss and when you give him an instruction he thinks it’s his choice whether or not to obey.
Give Choices
This might seem contrary to the first suggestion, but it actually isn’t. With toddlers, there is a balance in giving choices. Give too many and they don’t listen or obey, give too few and they get frustrated.
I often let my toddlers have choices that aren’t consequential. I’ll say something like, “Buddy, it’s time to take a bath. Would you like to take your clothes off by yourself, or do you want mommy to help?” It doesn’t matter whether I take his clothes off, or if he does it. What matters is that the bath is happening. As the parent, I made the choice to take a bath, my child makes the choice of whether to take his clothes off on his own or to have me do it.
Giving inconsequential choices to my children has really helped with them being more obedient. They feel like they have some say in the matter, which causes them to throw fewer tantrums.
Give Timed Warnings
Whenever I can, I give my children timed warnings. A few days ago, I was at McDonald’s letting my kids play in the play place. My kids were having a blast running around, but I knew we needed to head home soon to let my youngest take her nap.
About five minutes before we needed to leave, I quietly pulled both kids aside and told them in five minutes we were going to need to put our coats and shoes on and head to the car. Then a few minutes later I told them both we were leaving in two minutes. After that, when it was time to go, my three-year-old went and got his shoes without crying or complaining. It was because he’d had time to mentally prepare for the disappointment of leaving.
I’ve noticed when my kids don’t get warnings that we’re going to be leaving soon they’ll often throw a major fit when it’s time to go. Giving my toddlers a heads up that they’ll need to stop playing or pick up toys in a few minutes seems to help them and they throw fewer fits when it’s time to obey.
Be Consistent
One of the hardest things in parenting is being consistent. I don’t want to punish my kids when they make bad choices. I wish they’d just realize how much I loved them and choose to obey out of the goodness of their hearts. However, as you know that’s just not the case. Kids don’t just automatically obey.
That’s why you’ve got to be consistent with rules and consequences. When you’re consistent, your kids can be confident knowing you mean what you say. They know the rules won’t change and that they know what to expect.
Consistency is important. Give your kids confidence by doing what you say. Kids love knowing what to expect.
Don’t Ask – Tell
It’s easy to get in the habit of asking kids things. “Do you want to come inside?”, “What do you think, should we start picking up your toys”, or “Let’s go to bed, ok?”
These phrases aren’t effective for toddlers. Mainly because what kid is going to want to come inside, or thinks to pick up their toys is a good idea? They won’t and you wouldn’t either. You wouldn’t clean your house or do the dishes if given the choice, and your toddler is no different.
Instead, rephrase questions telling the child what you want them to do. “Hey buddy, in 5 minutes we’re going to pick up toys.” This isn’t asking the child if they want to, what they think, or giving them the ability to choose whether or not to obey it. Tell your toddler what you’d like them to do. I often give my kids a timed warning before an instruction I know they won’t like and when the time is up, I give them a choice to help them process the disappointment of having to pick up toys.
For example, I’d say, “Buddy, we’re going to pick up toys in 5 minutes.” After the five minutes have passed. “Buddy, it’s time to pick up, would you like to pick up the blocks or the trucks first?”
Read: How I Keep My Kids From Getting Bored of Their Toys
Dealing with an emotional toddler is not easy and getting them to obey can be even harder. Hang in there mom! Having a toddler that obeys well is worth the effort. If you stay consistent with consequences and boundaries, eventually, they’ll get it.
