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The Secret I Learned to Help Teach My Kids Responsibility

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I’m a huge parenting nerd. I’ll be honest, I read book after book on parenting techniques and styles. I love finding new tips and tricks to help me connect and communicate with my kids better. One of the books I’ve been flipping through the last few months is “On Becoming Childwise” by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam.

Read: Why I Started Setting Goals for My Kids

This week, I was reading chapter 10 – Transferring Ownership of Behavior to Children. As I was reading this chapter, I realized I was guilty of not transferring ownership of behavior to my kids. I was becoming one of those parents who was always nagging my kids to do things.

I realized I was taking too much of the responsibility for my kid’s behavior on myself. Because of this, I wasn’t giving them the opportunity to learn to be responsible. After reading the chapter, I started implementing two key phrases.

  1. Sit and Think
  2. Do you have the freedom to _____?

Toddlers and Kids Learning Responsibility

When I Transferred Ownership Of Behavior to My Son, He Surprised Me

For months, I’ve been reminding my son to grab his drink to go downstairs to breakfast. He’d forget it upstairs and realize halfway through breakfast he was thirsty and be crying for his cup. I hated having to run around the house hunting for the drink he forgot to bring downstairs.

Every day, before we’d go downstairs, I’d say, “Buddy, I want you to sit and think about what you’ll need when you go downstairs.” And you know what? Every time he’d say “I need to get my drink and my puppy.” And he’d run and get them. Not once this week did I have to go running around the house looking for his drink because he hadn’t remembered to bring it with him to the table.

Instead, I transferred ownership of his behavior to him. I asked him to be responsible for his things. And he shocked me. At three years old, he knew what he needed and remembered them every time.

My Kids Knew What To Do

One day this week, I told my son to get ready for bath time. He went into his room and began taking his clothes off and putting them in the hamper. About halfway through the process, he forgot what he was doing and started playing with his sister. The bath was already ready and the water was getting cold. But instead of yelling at him to stop playing and take his clothes off, I did something different.

I asked him if he had the freedom to play right now.

This is what he said out loud to his sister. “I’m sorry, I don’t have the freedom right now to play with you. When I’m done with my bath I’ll come back and we can play”

I was shocked. He knew what he should have been doing and with a simple reminder, I got him back on track.

This changed our house this week

I realized a lot of the reminding and nagging I’d been doing wasn’t helping my kids learn to be responsible. These two phrases helped me encourage responsibility in my kids and took the pressure off of me to constantly remind my kids of the right thing to do.

**This post contains affiliate links. I receive a small commission at no cost to you when you make a purchase using my link

 

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A Helpful Phrase for Your Toddler’s Endless Questions

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I remember waiting excitedly for the day my son would talk. I hated not knowing what bothered him or why he was crying. However, now that he does talk, I have my times where I wish he was the quiet little boy who couldn’t speak. He started talking and hasn’t stopped since.

If you’re like me and you’re a parent to an inquisitive toddler you can probably relate to how tiring it is listing to endless questions.

  • “Why do you have hair in your nose?”
  • “Do they have macaroni and cheese in Heaven?”
  • “Why is our car red?”
  • “Why do we walk?”
  • “Mom, Why are skunks stinky?”
  • “Why do we need to brush our teeth?”
  • “What do pigs drink?”

On and on the questions go. One after another until your head hurts and you want to scream, “be quiet, give me a break! Who cares, go figure it out yourself.” Many times the questions my toddlers ask are really good, and I don’t want to ignore them, but how do you give your kids the right answer? Because honestly, a lot of the time I have no clue why something works the way it does.

Helpful phrase for toddler questions

How Do We Deal With The Endless Questions?

I started implementing a simple phrase in these situations where I have no idea what to say back. I simply say, “let’s learn together”. Our learning together could be getting online and googling it together. A few times its been simply asking a friend who drives a semi about the truck my son is interested in.

Read: 3 Proven Phrases to Prevent Mealtime Battles

The phrase, let’s learn together” gets my toddler giddy with excitement.

Instead of shrugging it off and saying, I don’t know. I use this phrase. My toddler loves it. He’s usually almost shaking with excitement as we run to the computer to google his questions. I think he likes being heard and knows that he’ll get an answer. This works because it takes the pressure off of me to know all the answers.

An added bonus to this phrase is that it also lets us focus on finding the answer to one question for a while. This gives me a break from listening to the endless questions that he’s normally asking. I’ve found it really helpful.

Practice Patience

Finally, one of the best things you can do as a parent is to learn to practice patience. Your child might be railing you with questions or doing a behavior that you find particularly annoying. In moments like these, one of the hardest things to do is to be patient with your child.

Today I told my daughter very unkindly to keep her hands off the pile of laundry. She was about ready to knock it over a mountain of clothes that I had just folded and I didn’t want to have to refold and sort them. I told her to stop, but I was really loud and mean when I did it. Then I glanced up, saw her face fall and she looked like she was about to cry. I immediately apologized to her and told her that I was sorry I hadn’t been nicer to her.

I often get sucked into the trap of not being patient with my kids. Whether it’s a toddler asking endless questions, potty training your toddler or a one-year-old’s curiosity about folding laundry, as a mom, it’s sometimes hard to be patient.

In those moments where patience is hard, I keep daily reminding myself how precious my children are. I daily remind myself that my kids are a reward from God, even when I’m tired of their messes or endless questions.

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. – Psalm 127:3 (NLT)

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3 Proven Phrases to Prevent Mealtime Battles

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Is mealtime often filled with fits, temper tantrums, and battles as you try to get your kids to come to the table?

If so, you’re not alone. In my house, getting my kids to the table to eat can be a chore. Our mealtime battle often plays out like this: My toddler tells me how hungry he is. A few minutes later when dinner is ready, he proceeds to throw a fit when I ask him to come to the table. By this time, he’s gotten engrossed in a toy so when I call him to eat he says, “I’m not hungry”.  As the parent, I know my kids need to eat. So how do you get your kids to the table without losing your cool?

Through a lot of trial and error, I’ve discovered three phrases that have helped curb mealtime battles.

 

“You need to come sit at the table, but you don’t have to eat.”

This phrase has been a game changer at my house. When it’s dinner time my kids are asked to come to the table. I tell them they do not have to eat. What they are asked to do is come and sit down. This has been powerful because my children realize they can’t play anymore. When the option to play is removed, they often end up eating something since they’re already at the table.

“Eat or go hungry”

I can’t tell you how many times my child has said during mealtimes, “I don’t like it, I don’t want it, I want something else.” I gently tell my child that what they’re saying is not kind. Mommy or daddy worked hard so they could have nice food to eat. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it. However, they will not get another meal.

Our rule is that they can sit at the table with us and either eat or not eat. If they choose to not eat, they will not get another food option. When the rules are explained, my child will often eat some of the food that was prepared. When the choice is to go hungry or eat what’s on the table, my kids usually choose to eat what’s there.

“To sit at the table, you need to choose to be happy”

In our house, in order to sit at the table, you need to choose to be happy. I don’t enjoy a meal with a screaming child. If my child chooses to scream or throw a fit at the table, I get up and move them or their chair into another room. I tell the child they can come back when they’re happy. It’s amazing how simply removing the child will often curb the bad behavior. My kids want to be where the action is, so when I remove them, the incentive is high for them to want to come back to the table and be happy.

These phrases have helped me curb a lot of mealtime battles. What are some strategies you’ve found helpful during mealtime?
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