Yesterday my son was at the library and he wanted a new puzzle. I’ve been working with him to get comfortable asking adults for things, so I asked him to go up to the circulation desk and ask the librarian for a puzzle. I was sitting about 10 feet away from the desk with his sister and could hear his whole conversation.

Could I please have the firetruck puzzle? (Librarian hands him the puzzle) Thank You! – Three-Year-Old

When he came back to the table I was in full mom freak out mode. I told him how proud I was of him for asking for his puzzle so nicely. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not, but getting your kids to say please and thank you takes a lot of work. I’ve been working with my son for almost two and a half years and I’m finally seeing some awesome results at home and with him asking other people for things.

Here are things I’ve found helpful to get him to say please and thank you.

I taught him to sign ‘please’ first

I taught my son sign language for please before he could talk. When I could tell he wanted something, I’d do the sign for please and say the word “please” out loud before giving him the thing he wanted. After several months of me doing this, he could sign please on his own.

Once he started signing please consistently, I started requiring please for the things he wanted. If he accidentally dropped his cup from his high chair, signing “please” was required to get it back. If he wanted a book or toy he couldn’t reach, saying or signing please was required first.

Next, he learned to say “thank you”

Once we got please going really well, I then began reminding him to say thank you every time I did something nice for him. If I got something he wanted, I’d ask him to say “thanks”.

We also talk a lot about saying thank you when someone gives us something or compliments us. Even if it’s a boring shirt, or a book or a toy we don’t really like.

What I Discovered – Saying Please Became Our Family Culture

My daughter is a year old, and she says the word please for everything. I think she thinks it means the same thing as “yes”. It’s almost funny. I’ll ask her something simple, like whether she wants milk, to which she says “please”.

The truth is, she’s probably learned by watching her brother that if she wants something she needs to ask for it nicely. Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ has become a part of our family culture.

Say it again, nicely, please.

Yesterday after he wowed me at the library he came home and asked like a tyrant, “MOMMY!!!! I NEEEEEEED my Duplo”, in his biggest, whiniest, sad voice.

I just gently reminded him like I do all the time, I’m sorry buddy, I can’t hear you when you whine. How could you ask for that nicely? He paused a minute and rephrased his statement.

“Mommy, can I please have my Duplo?” Of course, I gave him a big hug and freaked out like I always do for good behavior and went and got his Duplo for him.

So take heart moms, if you’re deep in diapers, know that your kids can be taught to ask for things in ways that are nice. You’ve just got to stick to your convictions, keep with it and know that eventually (2.5 years later), your kid will wow you with his or her awesome manners, or at least most of the time.

Read: One Often Overlooked Parenting Tool