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What to Do When Discipline Doesn’t Seem to Work With Your Child

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Discipline children
Discipline children

I have a child that doesn’t handle discipline well. Timeouts don’t work for this particular child. Telling my child no or the reason why not to do something usually ends up in a screaming match. Maybe you’re like me and are seriously wondering what to do about your child who simply doesn’t handle discipline well.

First of all, consider this. Your child has amazing leadership potential. If your child doesn’t submit to your discipline well, most likely they won’t give in to peer pressure easily either. So, your child’s strong personality is actually a strength that will help them later in life.

Your child’s strong personality is actually a strength

BUT in the meantime, how do you survive? And more importantly, how do you get a very strong-willed child to comply?

Reward good behavior.

When your child does the right thing and makes a good choice, freak out. Act like it’s the best thing that has ever happened to you. Call grandma, give that child a sticker, read a special book, whatever it is, reward that kid for making a good choice.

My strong-willed child lights up when praised. So I praise that child a lot when they do the right thing.

Don’t Give Up

Your child will get the rules in your household. Don’t give up enforcing them. Don’t let that child get their way because it’s easier than dealing with a throw down screaming fit.

Be calm. Be consistent. Hold your ground. 

Being firm doesn’t have to be mean. You just consistently tell the child the rules. Then enforce them when the child makes a bad choice. Your kid will get it. It just might take them a long time.

Give them Time and Space

My strong-willed child needs a lot more time to process mistakes than my other child. When this child acts in a way that I don’t approve of and goes against our rules, I remove the child to their room.

I tell that child I love them, but I can’t allow them to act like that.

Then I give that child space and time to process. I tell the child we want them with us in the house, but they can’t come and be a part of what’s going on until they’re calm. Sometimes I make the child say sorry to the person they hurt. Regardless of what makes sense at the time, my child always does better with some time to process before we work through what the child did wrong.

Today my strong-willed child was screaming at me because they got in trouble for pushing a sibling off of a stool.

I calmly told the child their choices.

Get off the stool and let your sibling get on it. You get to choose. Mommy carries you off the stool, or you can move by yourself. My strong-willed child made a good decision and got off the stool and let their sibling on it.

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What To Do When Your Toddler Won’t Sleep

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I love to sleep. I love it for myself, I love it for my kids. Sleep is something I’m passionate about because I see the benefits of ensuring my family gets plenty of it. When I have lots of sleep I feel better. That’s why I try to make sleep a priority for my family.

However, sleep doesn’t always happen. Sometimes kids get sick. Sometimes kids decide they don’t want to take naps or go to bed even if they are really tired. So how do we handle those situations when sleep stinks?

When A Toddler Doesn’t Nap

My son at about two and a half years old started not sleeping when it was nap time. He was still in a crib so he wasn’t running all over his room, but I could hear him pounding his feet on his crib rails, talking, singing and sometimes even crying out for me.

I was shocked. He had always been a good napper, what on earth was going on? I felt like he might still be too little to go all day without a nap, so one day I put him to bed with a stack of board books. I told him to read his books until he felt sleepy and then go to bed. That day he read his books for about 15 minutes and after that, he fell right to sleep.

I tried it again the next day. It worked perfectly. And not at almost 4 years old, he goes to bed with some books and falls asleep about 20 minutes later.

When A Toddler Doesn’t Go To Bed At Night

We recently traveled out of town for a wedding. Our whole family stayed in the same hotel room. My daughter is a party animal. If there is action going on, she will do everything in her power to stay awake. She was in her pack and play in the middle of the room and was doing everything in her power to not go to sleep.

By 11 PM that night, we were exhausted of her talking and alternating whining. We finally discovered the secret to her sleep problem: if she couldn’t see us, she’d go to sleep. We moved her bed by the bathroom out of view and then she finally fell to sleep.

Sometimes kids won’t sleep, but it doesn’t mean they don’t need sleep or that they should stop napping. Many times it is just about troubleshooting the problem that is keeping them from sleeping.

Read: How I Stopped My Toddler’s Middle of The Night Wakings

Troubleshooting Sleep Issues

Sleep issues can happen for a variety of reasons. My son stopped sleeping when his sister was born. He was emotionally upset and it was affecting his sleep. My daughter often won’t nap when she’s teething. I gave her Tylenol and she was happy and went right to sleep. Two different kids, both experiencing different sleep issues.

The main thing to remember is that your kids need sleep.

Your kids might fight sleep. They might try to talk you out of putting them to bed or stall, but they do need a good night of sleep and when they’re young they need naps too. Do what you can to figure out why your kids aren’t sleeping well.

Follow your mother’s intuition and listen to your kids. Often they’ll give you clues as to why they aren’t sleeping well.  For example, my son told me one time that he needed more time with mommy. He meant one-on-one time with me. And he could get it if he stalled going to bed or calling for me at night. So I started working that time into our day. It was hard, but I found some spaces where we could have time to cuddle or read and it made all the difference in his sleep.

So spend the time asking your kids questions if they’re verbal or troubleshooting if they’re non-verbal and figure out why they’re not sleeping well. You’ll be glad you did. Kids that are well rested are easier to deal with and more fun to be around.

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4 Creative Ways To Play Outdoors With Sidewalk Chalk

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I love getting my kids outside to play as often as possible. There’s something fun about nature and learning opportunities seem to abound. From counting rocks to finding colors in the leaves and sky, being outdoors is something I try to do with my kids any day the weather is nice enough to allow it.

One of the things we’ve recently discovered is sidewalk chalk. There are so many fun things to do and ways to play with sidewalk chalk that keep my kids entertained for hours. Here are three of our favorite ways to play with chalk.

1. Draw letter, shape or number roads.

Kids Playing With Sidewalk Chalk

I love the idea of channeling a two year old’s boundless energy while giving them an opportunity to learn. One of our current favorite activities involves me drawing a bunch of shapes or letters on the side walk in a line and calling them a road.

Read: 5 Learning Games For Preschool Boys

We run up and down the road shouting the shape or letter that we’re stepping on. Sometimes we back up the road and we make truck backing up sounds. We also go up the road sideways or really slow.

I’m pretty sure our neighbors think we’re crazy, but we have a ton of fun with our sidewalk chalk roads and it’s an easy way to teach letters, numbers or shapes.

2. Sidewalk Chalk City

Kid Playing Sidewalk Chalk City

We love drawing sidewalk chalk cities. The city usually has all of our favorite restaurants, our friends’ houses, library, bank, and grocery store. Once we get all the important landmarks drawn, the fun begins.

I let my kids take toy cars and trucks outside and they drive them all over the city. They pretend to get money at the bank, groceries at the store and of course they make sure to get fries and chicken at our chalk Chic-fil-a (the kid’s favorite place to eat).

They usually are entertained and having fun for a long time driving their trucks and cars all over the driveway.

3. Chalk Mailboxes

Sidewalk Chalk Game For Kids - Mailboxes

My son loves this game. He plays it all the time. I draw a bunch of mailboxes all over the driveway. Then he hops on his trike and pretends he’s the mailman. He drives all over putting sticks in the chalk mailboxes and pretends the sticks are mail.

To extend our playtime, I’ll draw the number six on a mailbox and tell him to deliver mail to mailbox six. He’ll then take the mail and drive over to the mailbox with the number six on it and put the mail in. He’s having fun, getting energy out and also learning his numbers. A win-win in my book!

Read: How I Keep My Kids From Getting Bored With Their Toys

4. The Old Fashioned Way – We Just Draw Stuff

Sometimes we just go out with the chalk and draw for fun. My son comes up with really creative ways to use chalk. He drew a huge scribble on the sidewalk the other day and told me he was a snowplow and the scribble was snowmelt on the road.

I have fun watching my kids draw and use their imaginations.

We have had so much fun this spring outside with sidewalk chalk. What are some ways you’ve found fun to play with chalk outside?

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The Secret I Learned to Help Teach My Kids Responsibility

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I’m a huge parenting nerd. I’ll be honest, I read book after book on parenting techniques and styles. I love finding new tips and tricks to help me connect and communicate with my kids better. One of the books I’ve been flipping through the last few months is “On Becoming Childwise” by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam.

Read: Why I Started Setting Goals for My Kids

This week, I was reading chapter 10 – Transferring Ownership of Behavior to Children. As I was reading this chapter, I realized I was guilty of not transferring ownership of behavior to my kids. I was becoming one of those parents who was always nagging my kids to do things.

I realized I was taking too much of the responsibility for my kid’s behavior on myself. Because of this, I wasn’t giving them the opportunity to learn to be responsible. After reading the chapter, I started implementing two key phrases.

  1. Sit and Think
  2. Do you have the freedom to _____?

Toddlers and Kids Learning Responsibility

When I Transferred Ownership Of Behavior to My Son, He Surprised Me

For months, I’ve been reminding my son to grab his drink to go downstairs to breakfast. He’d forget it upstairs and realize halfway through breakfast he was thirsty and be crying for his cup. I hated having to run around the house hunting for the drink he forgot to bring downstairs.

Every day, before we’d go downstairs, I’d say, “Buddy, I want you to sit and think about what you’ll need when you go downstairs.” And you know what? Every time he’d say “I need to get my drink and my puppy.” And he’d run and get them. Not once this week did I have to go running around the house looking for his drink because he hadn’t remembered to bring it with him to the table.

Instead, I transferred ownership of his behavior to him. I asked him to be responsible for his things. And he shocked me. At three years old, he knew what he needed and remembered them every time.

My Kids Knew What To Do

One day this week, I told my son to get ready for bath time. He went into his room and began taking his clothes off and putting them in the hamper. About halfway through the process, he forgot what he was doing and started playing with his sister. The bath was already ready and the water was getting cold. But instead of yelling at him to stop playing and take his clothes off, I did something different.

I asked him if he had the freedom to play right now.

This is what he said out loud to his sister. “I’m sorry, I don’t have the freedom right now to play with you. When I’m done with my bath I’ll come back and we can play”

I was shocked. He knew what he should have been doing and with a simple reminder, I got him back on track.

This changed our house this week

I realized a lot of the reminding and nagging I’d been doing wasn’t helping my kids learn to be responsible. These two phrases helped me encourage responsibility in my kids and took the pressure off of me to constantly remind my kids of the right thing to do.

**This post contains affiliate links. I receive a small commission at no cost to you when you make a purchase using my link

 

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How to Get Your Toddler to Eat Their Veggies

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Getting a toddler to eat anything other than fruit snacks and pizza can be challenging. And to be honest, if I were to choose what I got to eat, I’d rather eat those things too. We know a diet full of chocolate and twinkies isn’t the best option for our kids, so how do we help our kids to develop healthy eating habits while they’re young?

I’ve been able to get both of my kids to eat lots of fruits and veggies each meal, but I’ve had to be a little sneaky in how I did it. Here’s how I’ve managed to get both of my kids to eat healthy food.

Veggies First

I started giving my kids a helping of veggies first. For example, if I’m prepping food in the kitchen, I’ll let my one-year-old try food while we’re cooking. A lot of the time, she’s hungry and I’ve gotten her to eat lots of broccoli and green beans when it’s treated like a special snack.

Yesterday, she was my kitchen helper and I set the family’s bowl of green beans on the floor and told her she could try a couple of them while I was finishing the rest of dinner. When I turned around a few minutes later, she had eaten all but three of the entire bowl of green beans. Even though I had to make more veggies for the rest of us to eat, I wasn’t that mad…my kid had just devoured a whole bowl of green beans!

Also, I’ve also been successful by giving my kids a helping of veggies on their plate first. I put a few veggies and a small helping of a food they really like, like mac and cheese. For them to get another helping of mac and cheese they have to eat a bite or two of the veggies first.

Limit Snacks

I’ve noticed that when we are at a family gathering like Christmas and I’ve let my kids snack all day that they’re far less likely to eat healthy foods. When they snack, they’re not as hungry so they don’t eat much at meal times. I’ve found that limiting snacks to a few times a day has been helpful in developing good eaters.

They choose when they’re full

I don’t require my kids to finish everything on their plates as I think this encourages overeating. I feel my kids know when they’re full and I trust them to stop when they’re ready.

However, if my child asks to be excused from the table after eating one or two bites, I inform that child they won’t get another chance to eat until the next meal. That way, they don’t come back to me in two minutes and tell me they’re starving.

Read: 3 Proven Phrases to Prevent Mealtime Battles

Get Sneaky – Think Outside of The Box

In our house, veggies get snuck into food in lots of ways. Zucchini gets added to meatloaf or cauliflower to our Mac n Cheese. I also have noticed that if it’s on mom’s plate it just looks better to my kids. Many times I’ll give myself an extra helping of salad and let my kids try a bit of mommy’s food. Usually, they’re overjoyed to try some of my food and I get them to try new foods that way.

I’ve tried lots of things, when my one-year-old was just starting on solids she wouldn’t touch broccoli. I knew she loved bread, so I’d roll a small piece of broccoli in some bread and got her to eat her broccoli that way. I’ve also bought applesauce that has carrots or veggies mixed in.

As a mom, it’s no doubt that it’s hard to get your kids to eat veggies. I’d rather eat ice cream for lunch too. But I’ve found that kids will eat lots of veggies if you work with them.

What are some creative ways you’ve found to get your kids to eat their veggies?

 

 

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How I Stopped My Toddler’s Middle of the Night Wakings

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*** NOTE – this post is for older babies or toddlers, who have already been sleeping through the night after you’ve ruled out things like growth spurts and teething ***

My son started waking up in the middle of the night. He’d been sleeping through the night pretty consistently and all of the sudden, he started waking up almost every night.

When he woke up, he’d always say things like let’s go downstairs and play. He wanted to get up and out of bed to play. I’ve had several friends who said that they had kids the same age doing the same thing. They’d get up with their kids, turn on the TV and start watching Netflix or Hulu with their kids until the kid got sleepy two hours later.

I didn’t think that sounded like the best idea for me since I’m already working at 5 AM every morning. I didn’t need or want to get up every night and have to be up for several hours.

How I Stopped My Toddler's Middle of the Night Wakings - Picture of toddler sleeping

Here’s What I Did

When my son woke up, I’d go into his room. I’d use the most boring, least fun, and the most monotone voice I could find. I didn’t do any of the usual tickles, jokes or silly faces. His lights in his room never got turned on. Finally, I gave him a drink of water and when he asked to play I told him we’d play in the morning.

After a few days, he began to realize how boring mom was when I came into his room in the middle of the night. And believe it or not,  just three or four days later, he stopped doing it. No more screaming for mom in the middle of the night.

Night Wakings Aren’t a Big Deal

I think the mistake many parents make is that when their child wakes at night they treat it like a big deal. They read books, play or doing something stimulating during the wake time.

To me, this seems silly. If I woke up, watched some TV, played games, and read a book, I wouldn’t be tired either. But if I wake up in the night and things are kept very quiet and low key, I’m usually able to get back to sleep very quickly.

So rather than trying to play games and treating the waking as a fun time, try keeping the lights dim and things really boring. Offer a cracker and some water and then put them back to bed. This will give you the greatest chance of your child going back to sleep.

If things are boring, most likely they won’t have any incentive to wake up and call you at night. After a few nights, my son stopped calling for us. I think if we had given in and played games with him, or made it fun, he might have kept waking up for a long period of time.

Sleep Is Important

I want my kids to have good sleep habits. I believe sleep is one of the most important things we can give our kids. When they’re not sleepy, they’ll learn better, and be happier during the day.

That’s why I do everything I can to get my kids as much sleep as possible.  I believe sleep is one of the best parenting tools a parent can have. A well-slept child will be easier to deal with during the day and raising kids is hard enough. Make it easier on yourself by helping your kids learn good habits to help them sleep well.

 

 

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A Helpful Phrase for Your Toddler’s Endless Questions

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I remember waiting excitedly for the day my son would talk. I hated not knowing what bothered him or why he was crying. However, now that he does talk, I have my times where I wish he was the quiet little boy who couldn’t speak. He started talking and hasn’t stopped since.

If you’re like me and you’re a parent to an inquisitive toddler you can probably relate to how tiring it is listing to endless questions.

  • “Why do you have hair in your nose?”
  • “Do they have macaroni and cheese in Heaven?”
  • “Why is our car red?”
  • “Why do we walk?”
  • “Mom, Why are skunks stinky?”
  • “Why do we need to brush our teeth?”
  • “What do pigs drink?”

On and on the questions go. One after another until your head hurts and you want to scream, “be quiet, give me a break! Who cares, go figure it out yourself.” Many times the questions my toddlers ask are really good, and I don’t want to ignore them, but how do you give your kids the right answer? Because honestly, a lot of the time I have no clue why something works the way it does.

Helpful phrase for toddler questions

How Do We Deal With The Endless Questions?

I started implementing a simple phrase in these situations where I have no idea what to say back. I simply say, “let’s learn together”. Our learning together could be getting online and googling it together. A few times its been simply asking a friend who drives a semi about the truck my son is interested in.

Read: 3 Proven Phrases to Prevent Mealtime Battles

The phrase, let’s learn together” gets my toddler giddy with excitement.

Instead of shrugging it off and saying, I don’t know. I use this phrase. My toddler loves it. He’s usually almost shaking with excitement as we run to the computer to google his questions. I think he likes being heard and knows that he’ll get an answer. This works because it takes the pressure off of me to know all the answers.

An added bonus to this phrase is that it also lets us focus on finding the answer to one question for a while. This gives me a break from listening to the endless questions that he’s normally asking. I’ve found it really helpful.

Practice Patience

Finally, one of the best things you can do as a parent is to learn to practice patience. Your child might be railing you with questions or doing a behavior that you find particularly annoying. In moments like these, one of the hardest things to do is to be patient with your child.

Today I told my daughter very unkindly to keep her hands off the pile of laundry. She was about ready to knock it over a mountain of clothes that I had just folded and I didn’t want to have to refold and sort them. I told her to stop, but I was really loud and mean when I did it. Then I glanced up, saw her face fall and she looked like she was about to cry. I immediately apologized to her and told her that I was sorry I hadn’t been nicer to her.

I often get sucked into the trap of not being patient with my kids. Whether it’s a toddler asking endless questions, potty training your toddler or a one-year-old’s curiosity about folding laundry, as a mom, it’s sometimes hard to be patient.

In those moments where patience is hard, I keep daily reminding myself how precious my children are. I daily remind myself that my kids are a reward from God, even when I’m tired of their messes or endless questions.

Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him. – Psalm 127:3 (NLT)

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Why I Began Setting Goals For My Kids

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Goal setting isn’t something I personally like to do. I hate to set a goal and not achieve it, so I often just set a direction for a year rather than hard and fast goals. But the other day I read something that challenged me to take another look at goal-setting for my kids and family. I got inspired to believe that goal setting for our children is important.

It’s easy when parenting little kids to just get overwhelmed with the all the laundry, food, and unending diapers and forget that as parents we are responsible for transferring morals, values, and life skills to these precious little people God has entrusted to us. Usually, those skills don’t just happen in our children’s lives. We’ve got to be proactive as parents and choose to set our kids on a path towards those goals.

“The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.” —Bill Copeland

Many times as a parent, it’s easy to just run up and down the field and never make any real progress. There are so many responsibilities. We have jobs, bills to pay, friends to keep up with, family to see, groceries to buy, houses to clean, the list goes on and on. And in the business of life, we often run up and down the field with no direction for our kids.

About a year ago, I decided that I wasn’t satisfied just doing aimless parenting, but I wanted kids who were honorable, respectful, and loved Jesus in a crazy way. So last year, I began setting goals to push my kids toward those things.

Why I Began Setting Goals for My Kids

How I Created My Parenting Goals

I set up three types of parenting goals. First, I had academic goals for my kids. I wanted to see my then two-year-old learn his shapes, colors, letters, and numbers. I began researching creative ways to teach my preschool boy and started taking a few minutes each day to focus on his learning. For my baby, I decided I wanted to develop her vocabulary, so I focused on making sure I read to her for 20-30 mins a day.

Secondly, I had spiritual goals for my kids. I want both of my kids to develop a love for Jesus. I didn’t want them to just be kids who knew about God from church, but I want to expose God to them daily, in real relevant ways. Because of this, daily Bible reading and worship became a big part of our schedule.

Finally, I wanted them to excel socially. So I began working on manners and being kind and thinking of others. This led me to buy books for them to read on kindness and talk to my kids often about manners and respect for others.

Read: The Secret I Learned to Help Teach My Kids Responsibility

What Goal Setting Taught Me

Once I began setting goals for my kids, I realized something interesting. In full disclosure…my kids are NOT perfect. A lot of the time, they can be demanding tyrants, but every once in awhile they really surprise me.

Sunday night, we visited family, and my one-year-old couldn’t get behind a chair at the table. I heard her little voice say, “cuze me”. (Excuse me) Time and time again, my kids shock me with their kindness, manners, and love for Jesus.

In the car the other day, my one-year-old said, “mommy wanna talk”. I asked her what she wanted to talk about. She said, “Talk ’bout Jesus”. She wanted me to tell her about Jesus.

I realized that before I began setting goals, I had no expectations for my kids. However, when I began setting goals for my kids I began expecting good things for them. And I’ve been really surprised to see the difference goal setting for my kids has challenged us to be better as a family and better to others.

 

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Why Scheduling Your Day Is Easier Than You Think

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The idea of a putting your kids on a schedule can seem a bit intimidating and you might wonder where to begin. Getting your kids on a schedule isn’t that hard. It just takes a little thinking ahead. In fact, your kids may already be on a schedule and you just haven’t noticed it.

I think the easiest way to start a schedule is to think about what time you want your child to wake up in the morning. Then back that time up by 10-12 hours depending on how much sleep your child seems to need. With those two times, you’ve got a wake-up time and a bedtime. Those are the two bookends to your schedule.

Next, take a look at things you need to do throughout your day. Stuff like eating, reading books or naps if your kids still take them.

Once you fill those items in, just add a block of time for errands or chores and then a few blocks of time for your kids to play. Before you realize it, you’ve got most of your day mapped out. Scheduling doesn’t have to be scary or intimidating. It’s simply setting aside a few blocks of time for naps, play, and chores.

Why I Love Schedules

I’m a very organized person, though if you’d look at my house right now, you wouldn’t know it. Before kids, I’d organize my DVDs and books alphabetically (NERD ALERT). So maybe some of it’s my personality, but I do feel scheduling is important for kids.

I like a schedule because it sets a time in your day for priorities. Maybe you want to prep your child for preschool and teach him his colors. To make sure this happens, schedule ten minutes a day at a certain time and use it to teach skills. Then have an activity for your other kids like letting them read books or playing with a toy they haven’t seen in a while.

Perhaps Bible reading is a priority to you. Then set aside a block of time for that each day. A schedule ensures you get your priorities done and helps you get to the end of your day where you feel that you’ve accomplished something and made some time for each of your children.

Scheduled days work well for my kids. They always want to know what we’re going to do next or when we will eat. Since they don’t tell time yet, telling them to play first, then eat makes sense to them.

For our family, a flexible schedule has worked well. I wouldn’t be able to work from home without it. Here’s what my day usually looks like.

Here’s our Daily Schedule

  • 5 AM – I get up and work
  • 7 AM – Kids get up and play in their rooms
  • 7:30 ish – Eat Breakfast
  • 8:15-8:30 – Get dressed, Brush Teeth
  • 9 AM – Independent Play in Rooms (I work while kids play)
  • 10 AM – Pick up rooms
  • 10:15 AM – Worship Jesus, Bible Verse, Letter of the Day, and Fun Activity Together
  • 11 AM – Lunch
  • 11:30-11:45 – Play Time
  • 12:30 PM – 1-Year-Old Naps
  • 12:30-1PM – Mom and 3 Year Old One on One Time
  • 1 PM – 3-Year-Old Naps or Reads Books Quietly in Room if not Tired (I work here)
  • 2-3PM – 1 Year Old Wakes Up and Reads Books With Mom
  • 3 PM – 3 Year Old Wakes Up
  • 3-7 PM Free Time to run errands, go to the library, whatever we want to do that day
  • 7:20 PM-ish – 1 Year Old Sleeps
  • 7:30-8 PM – 3 Year Old Goes to Bed & I work if needed or do housework or laundry.

This schedule has allowed me to continue working while staying at home with two kids. I know there’s no way that I’d be able to work from home without a schedule.

The great thing about a schedule is that it doesn’t have to be rigid. I don’t always follow the clock to the minute and I don’t sacrifice doing fun stuff when it pops up. However, I’ve noticed my children’s behavior is a lot better if we follow this schedule 4-5 days a week.

What works well for your family? Do you follow a schedule, or prefer to just take things as they come?

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How to Get Your Kids to Say Please And Thank You

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Yesterday my son was at the library and he wanted a new puzzle. I’ve been working with him to get comfortable asking adults for things, so I asked him to go up to the circulation desk and ask the librarian for a puzzle. I was sitting about 10 feet away from the desk with his sister and could hear his whole conversation.

Could I please have the firetruck puzzle? (Librarian hands him the puzzle) Thank You! – Three-Year-Old

When he came back to the table I was in full mom freak out mode. I told him how proud I was of him for asking for his puzzle so nicely. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not, but getting your kids to say please and thank you takes a lot of work. I’ve been working with my son for almost two and a half years and I’m finally seeing some awesome results at home and with him asking other people for things.

Here are things I’ve found helpful to get him to say please and thank you.

I taught him to sign ‘please’ first

I taught my son sign language for please before he could talk. When I could tell he wanted something, I’d do the sign for please and say the word “please” out loud before giving him the thing he wanted. After several months of me doing this, he could sign please on his own.

Once he started signing please consistently, I started requiring please for the things he wanted. If he accidentally dropped his cup from his high chair, signing “please” was required to get it back. If he wanted a book or toy he couldn’t reach, saying or signing please was required first.

Next, he learned to say “thank you”

Once we got please going really well, I then began reminding him to say thank you every time I did something nice for him. If I got something he wanted, I’d ask him to say “thanks”.

We also talk a lot about saying thank you when someone gives us something or compliments us. Even if it’s a boring shirt, or a book or a toy we don’t really like.

What I Discovered – Saying Please Became Our Family Culture

My daughter is a year old, and she says the word please for everything. I think she thinks it means the same thing as “yes”. It’s almost funny. I’ll ask her something simple, like whether she wants milk, to which she says “please”.

The truth is, she’s probably learned by watching her brother that if she wants something she needs to ask for it nicely. Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ has become a part of our family culture.

Say it again, nicely, please.

Yesterday after he wowed me at the library he came home and asked like a tyrant, “MOMMY!!!! I NEEEEEEED my Duplo”, in his biggest, whiniest, sad voice.

I just gently reminded him like I do all the time, I’m sorry buddy, I can’t hear you when you whine. How could you ask for that nicely? He paused a minute and rephrased his statement.

“Mommy, can I please have my Duplo?” Of course, I gave him a big hug and freaked out like I always do for good behavior and went and got his Duplo for him.

So take heart moms, if you’re deep in diapers, know that your kids can be taught to ask for things in ways that are nice. You’ve just got to stick to your convictions, keep with it and know that eventually (2.5 years later), your kid will wow you with his or her awesome manners, or at least most of the time.

Read: One Often Overlooked Parenting Tool

 

 

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